Books By Ashlea by www.bookbyashlea.webs.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
|Posted by Ashlea Burns on December 21, 2013 at 12:30 AM||comments (0)|
My bondages are broken
Now I am set free
For My hearts full of Gods love
I want everyone to see
See what God can do
See what you can be
See how trusting in him
Can make you believe
Believe he is the way
The truth and the light
Believe he is eternal
He is day and he is night
For he created all
The earth and the skies
Pray and seek him
For he hears everyone's cries
God loves us
Each and every one
He showed us this
By sending is only son
Keeping our hearts true
And free of sin
Asking for forgiveness
We can finally begin
We'll Begin to see
How we are suppose to be
Trusting in the one true God
Is the everlasting key
|Posted by Ashlea Burns on November 5, 2013 at 9:45 PM||comments (0)|
A stab in the heart Is enough to rip me apart You took my love away Now there are no words to say I loved you with all my heart I always have from the start I waited too long to be with you I know you blame me cause I do too As tears flow down my face I just sit and stare in space I never knew I could hurt this way I feel like I'm going to lose you today It makes my heart shatter I thought I found a place where I could matter Instead I found my pit of despair I found the place where my heart would tear I am trapped in this dark and lonely place Trapped in a never ending space The fear of rejection is all around The sound you hear is my heart pound As it shatters from all the pain I feel myself slipping to insane I'm losing apart of me My heart is broke and
I lost the key No one can mend my heart It was destined to shatter from the start
|Posted by Ashlea Burns on November 5, 2013 at 9:40 PM||comments (0)|
Keep your head held high Do not question why Keep your mind free Don't lose faith and you will see You are needed on this earth You have been since birth Don't feel sad, don’t feel blue Someone out there needs you I need you more than you know I will miss you but I know you got to go Keep me close to your heart Think of me so we never part I will wait for you no matter how long You and I are how we belong Don't give up and don't give in Keep fighting and you will win Do it for you and do it for me Don't break my heart I'm giving you the key You are always in my mind You're sweet, loving and kind I don't ever want to lose you But you have to keep fighting too
|Posted by Ashlea Burns on November 5, 2013 at 9:35 PM||comments (1)|
Awakened by my frightened dreams Everything is so real it seems Good and bad, bad and good With dreams like these I know I should I should stay awake forever more So my heart won't feel like it's tore Dreams that frighten me each night In their darkness there is no light Fear of what I see deep inside Makes me want to run and hide Trying to hide from all the pain My heart feels heavy with strain Feeling as though my heart may shatter Knowing only one makes me feel like I matter Nothing in this world seems to be real Nothing can take the pain away so I can heal Darkness consumes me from all around There is forever silence, there is never a sound I feel trapped deep within my own mind Looking for a way out, looking for a sign There in the midst of the night I see just a glimpse of light Not enough to brighten this place But enough to give me a taste As taste of what could be A taste of what I long to see A taste of light to brighten my day A taste of the words I long to say
|Posted by Ashlea Burns on November 5, 2013 at 9:35 PM||comments (0)|
As time goes by I ask myself why Why I care so much
Why I long for your touch I need you to hold me tight And tell me everything will be alright I find myself lost in you And hope you can feel it too I long for your kiss That is what I wish I need your feel upon me I need you to look and see See that I need you bad When we are apart
I am sad I need all that you are I will go the world a far Just to feel you close to me So that finally we will see See that love can conquer all Knowing the truth of what I saw Being with you now and then Letting go of what we have been
|Posted by Ashlea Burns on November 5, 2013 at 9:30 PM||comments (0)|
As I sit and write the words I want to say I keep thinking back to that very day The day in which we first met The day that my destiny was set I was meant to be with you And I hope you feel the same way too You make my world go round Forever with you my heart is bound Not knowing where things will go We have forever so lets take it slow The heart is like a puzzle don't you see You are the missing piece that makes the whole me For without you in my heart My world would fall apart You are the one who makes me smile You make everything seem ok for awhile I need you to hold me tight Keep me safe day and night I love you so very much I long for you and your touch We will be together no matter what I feel it deep within my gut I don't want anyone other than you I love you and you love me too
|Posted by Ashlea Burns on November 5, 2013 at 9:30 PM||comments (0)|
For people who don’t understand God has an everlasting plan We may not know what it is Or what we are meant to do But we will soon find out And all will be true True in life and true in love We will see the snow white dove Once we know where we sit We can start to achieve his plan He has goals and accomplishments for us We just have to give him our trust Once we believe in all he does We can truly live with all the love The love that he offers unconditionally The love that we need to be free Free from pain and sorrow Free from feeling so hollow God is the one who knows us all And if we believe he will take us far Far in the clouds to be with him Where we will see our loved ones again So all you got to do it believe That through him miracles can be received
|Posted by Ashlea Burns on January 30, 2012 at 8:35 PM||comments (1)|
They say that when you die your life flashes before you, but we really don't know if that is true unless we have experienced it. And then we can't tell anyone whether it did or not. This book is about life's reflections and about whether a dream is really a dream or a gateway to the beyond. I know what you are problably thinking, I am crazy and that this book will be full of craziness. But I promise everything in this book is based on real-life experiences. This will have some religious stuff in it as well as things that seem out of the ordinary. It is a reflection on life and is about things that we don't understand until something happens that causes them to finally make sense. I will describe things that have happened to me and things I have experienced. It will also contain different things I have been told or conversations that I have had with people about these experiences. It won't all be crazy, it will contain things I did as a child and even as I got older. It is something I feel may help someone who may be going through what I have or something similar anyway. It will show that even though we may be different, it doesn't always mean we are crazy.
Chapter 1: Memories
I always thought it was strange that when I was a child I use to have weird dreams about things that never made sense. I use to have trouble sleeping and basically it was like I could never get my mind to shut off. It wasn't until I was in my twenties that I realized what it meant. Actually, it took the passing of my beloved Grandma to make me realize that I wasn't going crazy all these years. As a child, I used to have dreams about a big golden gate that was surrounded by clouds, when the gates would open I would see a long golden road that was floating on the clouds, it seemed to winde and go on forever. I never would get to the end of this road. I would walk and walk and then finally wake up. I had that same dream several times once when I was about seven, then again when I was about eighteen. I never understood it until I was twenty-four and my grandma passed away.
There were several events that led up to this discovery and I will be explaining them through out this book in order for it all to make sense. I remember conversations and events that occurred when I was a child, most of which were between my mom and I or my grandma and I, or even between my mom and grandma. Most things seemed to just be talk and nonsense, because when you are young it doesn't really make much sense. But as you get older, you realize what some of the conversations were about or what they really meant. I never really talked much as a child about what I was thinking, I would mention it from time to time to my mom or my granny, which is what I called my grandma. But I never told anyone all of what was going through my mind. I used to sit and think about strange things or have things just randomly pop in and out of my head. I always thought it was just being a kid. But as I got older I started to notice that it was a little more than that. I would sometimes think I was going crazy or that there was something wrong with me. I could never seem to control what would come in and out of my mind. It is like when you sit around thinking about something and that something would trigger some other memory then before you know it you are thinking about something completely different, and you start wondering how you got on that thought in the first place. That was most of my childhood and even now as a young adult. It's not only when I am awake and I randomly think about something I do it in my sleep as well; a lot of times I'm not sure whether it is real or if I am dreaming. That is how real it seems.
I will always remember the story my mom and granny would tell me about before I was born, my granny would tell me how she knew I was going to be special. She said there was something about me while I was in my mom's belly that made her know that I was different and unique. I thought she was just saying it to be nice ya know how grandma's are. Considering my mom didn't even know she was pregnant with me until she was over five months, and the fact that I was born a month early. Or so the doctors thought. I was born on Thanksgiving day even though I wasn't due until sometime in December. But I was fully developed even though I wasn't suppose to be at that time. My mom would tell me stories about when I was young. She said there were several times that I did things they couldn't believe. One of which was when my granny was really bad down with her back, so bad that she couldn't move. She laid on the couch in severe pain. A preacher was praying for her one day trying to ask God to heal her. I don't remember how old I was but my mom said I pushed the preacher away and laid my hands on my granny, I jabbered something then I walked away. A few minutes later I climbed on the table and yelled "Catch me granny!" my mom said that my granny jumped up off of the couch and caught me. Then she never had the pain again. How was that possible? For someone who was in such pain to be healed so quickly, and by a mere child? Another incident I recall my mom telling me about was when my cat was hit by a car, it was dragging both of it's back legs and could barely stand, my mom said I grabbed the cat and started crying. I held it and prayed for it then it jumped out of my hands and ran off like nothing ever happened to it. Could this mean that a child can be a gateway to God's healing? Is it possible that God will use an innocent child to perform the miracles through? I vaguely remember some of these things that happened, I guess I was too young to know they happened but a part of me knew it before I was told. I subconsciously knew that I had experienced these events but they didn't seem real until I was told by someone else who was there.
There was a few things that happened throughout my childhood that would seem odd, one event I will always remember was when I was about five, my brother and I were outside playing, I was playing with my baby dolls and he was playing tee ball. He was about nine or so at the time and I was watching him hit the ball with a old wooden bat we had. But being young and curious I got to close to him, he thought I went inside but I was behind him. When he swung the bat around he hit me in the head with it. I grabbed my head and fell to the ground, he started freaking out as my head started bleeding. Unlike most kids I didn't cry, I'm not really sure why, it did hurt but I just didn't cry. But he was crying enough for the both of us by this point so I got up off the ground and we went inside. He ran up to mom and was blubbering so much she couldn't understand him. About that time I came around the corner with my hand on my head and blood running down my arm. My mom pulled my hand away and freaked out. I never seen what it looked like but she always told me that I had a hole the size of a quarter on my left eyebrow and it was so deep you could see my skull. Her first instinct was to put pressure on it, so she grabbed a wash cloth and pressed it to my head, unfortunately it was too small and started sinking into the hole. By this time she was in utter hysterics and was dragging me through the house trying to hold pressure on my head and get her shoes and stuff on so she could take me to the hospital. Luckily my dad walked in about that time, my mom started explaining what happened then he scooped me up and headed to the car. I remember the ride to the hospital. I sat on my moms lap the whole way, I closed my eyes and was praying, or trying to anyway. My mom kept shaking me. I didn't know why until later when she said she thought I was going to sleep but I wasn't. She kept saying, "Wake up, wake up." I finally looked up at her and said, "Mom, I'm praying." She just looked at me strange then it was quiet. The next thing I remember was seeing bright lights, I had my eyes closed but I could still see these lights. When I opened my eyes I was in a big, bright room and there was a man standing over me. He was the one that was sewing up my head. I laid there and watched as he pulled the stitches through. After it was over I went home. To this day I still have the scar on my left eyebrow. It always reminds me that half and inch to the left and I wouldn't be here. It's crazy how some events seem like they happened yesterday when in fact it was years and years ago. I remember that day so clearly, and I will never forget it. When you're little, you don't seem bothered too much by things that happen, but as you get older and think back, you start realizing how much those things change your life.
I remember the day my grandpa passed away. It was a few months before I turned six and I didn't really know what was going on. My parents and Granny went to the hospital but I didn't know why, I didn't really put the things that happened together at that age. It didn't seem to really matter too much, it was like another normal day. But the day of his funeral was different, I remember standing there watching all these people gather around a big box-looking thing and they were crying. I didn't know why. My oldest brother picked me up so I could look inside. I seen my grandpa laying there, he looked as if he was asleep. I still didn't understand what was going on but for some reason I felt protective. Protective of my granny, I went over to where she was sitting and hid under the table. Every time someone came close, I would pop out and say. "What's the password?" They would all look at me like I was crazy, or just being a kid. My granny would smile at me, she finally asked "What is the password?" I smiled at her and replied, "It is love." After that day was over I always wanted to be around my granny, I would go stay the night with her off and on, even as I got older.
It is funny how you repress some memories, then later can recall them like they just happened.
One other memory that is very strong in my head is one time I was at the store my mom worked at and I was standing outside the store with my dad, he was talking to some lady who I didn't really know. I was just fidgeting around because I was bored. Then I looked over and seen these two guys, they were arguing about something, I don't know what but I remember what happened next. As I stood there watching these guys one of them pulled out a gun. I tugged on my dads hand and tried to tell him but he was talking so he didn't pay much mind to me. Not that he didn't hear me but he said "In a minute honey." He just thought I was wanting to leave. He didn't know I was going to tell him that there was a man with a gun. As I stood there the man with the gun shot the other man. In that instant my dad pushed me and the lady he was talking to inside the store and ran across the parking lot. I ran to my mom as I watched my dad get in the truck and call the police. At that time we had those bag phones, the old cell phones that stayed in the car. Not like today where you can carry them in your pocket. I stood there clenching to my mom as I watched the guy laying on the pavement bleeding. Neither one of the guys died or anything but it was something I will never forget. I stood there and watched a shooting. I was pretty young at the time, I was only about nine or so. It was like I blocked the memory for awhile, there were people who thought I needed to go see a shrink or something because of what I saw. I didn't like talking to people about stuff so I never went. I remember one day this lady asked me about it, she said, "What did you think of it?" I looked at her strangely, then I replied, "I have seen their flames." She just looked at me with an odd look. She didn't understand what I meant. I never told anyone about it before, not even my mom. But I had a dream or a vision, whatever you want to call it, it had those two men in it. I call it a nightmare, but I didn't understand it at all when it occurred, but I remember it. It was like I was up high and looking down on an old town, it was real dark but the sky was like a crimson red color. I watched as thousands of people walked along the street, on each side of them were old buildings that were in flames. I seen the two men that were involved in the shooting, they were standing in front of someone, I never seen who it was but he was talking to the men. And then I seen them burst into flames. I woke up or snapped back to reality at that moment. It was weird because neither man died during the shooting, so I didn't know what was going on. I just assumed it was just my mind playing tricks on me. You know how a kids mind will make things more elaborate than they really are. So I never thought much of it. But it was the only time I had that vision. And I am glad because it scared me.
As I got older, I knew I was different than the other kids my age. I didn't have many friends, but it was due to the fact that I never liked being around people. I preferred to talk to myself or write or do things on my own. I never liked being around a lot of people. Even now I am still the same way, I have gotten a little bit better about it, but I still prefer to keep to myself most of the time. I always enjoyed writing stories about things that would pop into my head. But I have always found it hard to talk about myself. Even while writing this book, it is weird talking about things I have gone through. It's not so much weird to write about it, because it helps me to get things out, but to have people read it and know what is going on with me is what I find weird. But I hope that by getting out what I have been through and how my mind works, that maybe it will help some body else who may be going through the same thing as I am. It is hard for me to let things out most of the time though, I feel I should keep them in or only tell them to myself. Which doesn't make much sense to most people, but to me if I tell myself something, it is like I told someone even though it was just me, who already knew about it. It actually helps me to remember what happened or what I went through. In times that I have struggled people around me would always say I could talk to them, I tried to a little bit but I never felt comfortable talking to anyone except my mom and granny and even then it was hard.
My mind is like a puzzle that even I can't figure out. Which sometimes makes me feel as though I am going crazy or that something is wrong with me. My mind seems to have a mind of it's own, no pun intended. But it's as if my mind will think about what it wants instead of what I want it to. Some people would say that I am crazy and others would say I am just weird. But I am just me, whether it is crazy, weird or normal. I am who I am and that is all I can be. I feel as though I am alone in the world sometimes now that my granny is gone. Luckily I have my mom, without her I would be lost. She makes me feel sane, and like I'm not going crazy. My kids help a lot too even though they drive me crazy at times, at least it is the good kind of crazy I guess. My daughter cracks me up because sometimes I talk to myself and she says, "Mommy, you talking to me?" I would always respond, "No, honey. I am talking to myself." So now when I do it she will look at me with a smile and say, "You talking to youself again mommy?" It makes me smile and even laugh. As I watch her play and even watch my son, it reminds me of when I was little, I can see myself outside playing like they do; in the sand or in the pool. It makes all my childhood memories come back as if they happened yesterday. It also makes me miss being a kid, we really don't realize how much we change until we are looking back through our own children and see who we used to be.
I recall a time when I was in the first grade, we were all told to draw a picture to display at the art fair that our school was having for each grade. Most kids drew a picture of their favorite pet or their best friend. Some even drew a picture of stuff they liked to do, such as ballet or football. I on the other hand drew a different type of picture, granted I was only seven or so at the time and it wasn't like I had drew a masterpeice or anything, it was something that most people would have found odd for a child to draw. My picture was of a big gate that was surrounded by clouds, as the teacher went around looking at the pictures we were drawing, she stopped right by my desk. I looked up at her as she looked at my picture with a strange look. She looked at me and asked, "What is your picture of?" I smiled at her as I didn't even hesitate to answer. "It's home." I replied as I watched her face get a confused look. It didn't seem like an odd answer to me, but she seemed confused by my response.
Most of the teachers I had didn't understand me. They thought I was weird, I only had three teachers that understood me, and I'm not really sure how much they even understood. But at least they would try or not criticize me like the other ones did, just because I was different.
When I went into the sixth grade I started getting homeschooled through a Christian school out of Florida. It was the best thing to me, not only because I hated getting up early but because I didn't like being around people, I felt more comfortable at home learning by myself. I didn't feel out of place or like people were judging me like I did when I was in school. It felt like I was where I belonged, I worked better by myself, it was so much easier to learn that way.
The time I spent at home was great, I was always around my parents which would be why I am so close to them. As I got older I did start doing things I enjoyed, most of which involved being in my room and either on the computer, writing, painting or sewing. I would go outside a lot as well and just walk around or sit. I wasn't like most girls my age, I didn't like shopping or hanging with friends, I preferred doing things alone. Some people would find that strange behavior for a teenage girl, but to me it was normal. Even when I was in school, I would hang out with the guys and play football and stuff, I never hung around girls much. I didn't seem to get along or have anything in common with girls my age. They all seemed snobby and self-centered to me. Even now most of the girls I do talk to are either a few years older or younger than me, there are very few that are my age that I get along with. Most the time I feel more comfortable talking to people who are older than me. Which seems odd to some people and others just say it's because I am more mature than girls my age and prefer to have the more mature conversations.
|Posted by Ashlea Burns on September 15, 2011 at 7:10 PM||comments (0)|
Chapter 1: Troubled Youth
I woke up as the sun was shinning through my window. I laid in
bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about the recurring dream I have
had every night for the past five years. I keep thinking about that day
when my best friend and the only boy I have ever liked moved away.
I hated it, I hated the fact that I would never see him again. Well I
decided to get up instead of keeping those images in my mind. I went
and got ready for school, and walked downstairs where my mom had
made waffles. I could smell them all the way upstairs.
"Hi mom." I said as I sat down at the table.
"Morning Chloe, how are you today?" my mom replied.
"I'm alright." I said as I started eating.
My mom sat down at the table looking at the paper while she
drank her coffee. After I ate, I put my dishes in the sink and gave my
mom a kiss on the cheek.
"Bye mom." I said.
"Bye honey," she replied. "Have a good day."
I went out the door and headed to school. It was only a five
block walk and since it was really warm today I just walked. When I
got to school I went to class. Mr. Johnson is my teacher, and he was
such a boring teacher I sat there listening to my CD player through
my headphones and chewing gum, then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It
was Mr. Johnson. I took the headphones off.
"Ms. Anderson, either spit that gum out and leave those
headphones off or report to the principal's office!" he shouted at me.
I looked up at him and then stood up "See you later then." I said.
Then I walked out of class and headed to Mr. Parks office. Mr.
Parks was the school principal. He was a short, fat, and bald man. I
walked in and sat down.
"Ah, Ms. Anderson, you're here again I see." he said.
"Yep, I might as well stay here." I replied with a slight chuckle.
"This isn't a funny thing, Ms. Anderson, this is the 3rd time this
week that you have been in here for not behaving in class".
I just looked at him, then the bell rang and I got up and walked
out. Well I started walking down the hallway when I ran into my two
friends Mandy and Jessy.
"Hey" Mandy said as I walked up to them.
"Hey" I replied.
"Why do you always insist on misbehaving in class Chloe?"
"Because," I replied, "I just do".
"But why?" Jessy asked.
"Yeah, Chloe" Mandy said, "What happened to you, you used to
be a great student up until a few years ago."
We walked out of the school and headed towards my house,
since Jessy and Mandy both lived down the street from me we
always walked home together.
"Yeah I know." I said. "The past five years have been hard for
"What changed you?" Mandy asked.
I just kind of looked at the ground as we walked and I didn't say
anything. When we got to my house we walked in and my mom was
"Hi mom" I said.
"Hi Mrs. Anderson" both Jessy and Mandy said as we walked
through the living room.
"Hi Chloe," my mom said. Then she turned to Jessy and Mandy,
"Girls, please call me Beverly."
The girls looked at me then back at my mom and said "All right.
"Now that's better" my mom said, as she continued making
"We are going to go to my room. All right mom?" I said.
"All right girls." she replied.
We went upstairs to my room and I laid on my bed on my
stomach while Jessy sat on the edge of the bed and Mandy sat in the
chair next to the bed.
"So Chloe" Mandy said, "Tell us what changed you."
I held my head up with my hands then said, "It all started when I
was twelve, and my best friend and only boyfriend Sam moved
"Is that it?" Mandy asked.
"Yeah," Jessy said, "Why did that change you?"
I looked up at them. "Because we had been friends since we
were three, he was like my soul mate or something. We did
everything together, he lived next door. We always seen each other,
then we started becoming more then friends when we were about ten
and then the day after I turned twelve he moved away. It crushed
me." I sat there just staring at the wall.
"Well, let me ask you this then." Jessy asked "If he wouldn't
have left or would come back, would you go back to the same girl
you use to be or do you think you would have changed either way?"
I looked at her and sighed. "I don't know, guess I will never
know." I replied.
"Well, it's six we got to go Jessy" Mandy said "We will see you
"Okay." I said. I got up and both girls gave me a hug then went
out the door.
I laid back down on my bed, staring at the ceiling thinking. I
wondered what would have happened if he never left or if he did
I guess I fell asleep, because when I woke up it was morning,
and the sun was shinning through my window again. I laid there for a
minute, then got up, got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. It
was another nice day and I walked to school. When I got there I sat
down at my desk. All through class I thought to myself, would I
change if Sam came back, would I still have the same feelings? It
really didn't matter since I wouldn't be seeing him anytime soon.
As I sat there thinking, Mr. Johnson announced that there was a
dance next week, he urged all of us to attend. A little later the bell
rang and I got up and walked out into the hallway. As I walked
through the hall Jessy and Mandy caught up to me.
"So Chloe, are you going to the dance?" Mandy asked
"I don't know." I replied. "Are you going Jessy?"
"Oh yeah, I wouldn't miss it for anything." Jessy said.
"Well, I guess I will go too then." I said.
As we walked home I thought to myself 'What's the worst that
could happen?' Jessy and Mandy went on home as I walked into my
"Is that you Chloe?" my mom asked.
"Yeah mom," I replied, "It's me, what are you doing?"
"I'm making dinner." she replied.
I sat down on a stool at the bar. "It smells good, what are we
having?" I asked.
My mom was standing at the counter tossing a salad. "It's your
favorite, lasagna." she said
"WOW," I said, "You haven't made that in a long time, what's
the special occasion?"
My mom looked at me. "I have a surprise for you." she said
"Really?" I asked "What is it?"
My mom looked down at the salad she was still tossing. "Well,"
she said, hesitating, "Someone you know is coming to town."
I took an apple from the bowl on the counter in front of me.
"Really?" I said taking a bite of the apple. "Well who is it?" I asked
"It's someone you knew well," she said, still not giving me a
"So who is it, Mom?" I asked again.
"All right," she said, "This might come as a shock to you."
"Come on mom," I said, "It's not like it's my old boyfriend or
something like that right?"
My mom didn't answer, she just started peeling potatoes.
"Right, mom?" I asked as I looked at her.
My mom was still looking at the potatoes she was peeling. "You
guessed it" she said "Sam is coming back to town."
My mom looked at me with a smile. I was in shock, and when I
was finally able to talk again, I asked, "Why is he coming back?"
"His dad got transferred back to town." she said
"How did you find this out?" I asked.
"Well," she replied, "I showed his dad a house on the next street
"Oh," I said. "When are they moving back?"
"I think they are moving next week." she replied.
"The dance is next week!" I said, jumping up off the stool.
"Well honey," my mom said, "He will probably be too busy
unpacking to go."
"Yeah," I said, "Maybe he will be."
"So do you still like him?" she asked.
"MOM!" I said.
"What?" she asked. "I was just curious."
I sat back down, still eating my apple.
She looked at me and said "Well do you?"
"I don't know'" I said. "It's been like five years since I seen him, I
mean I don't even know what he looks like now."
My mom walked over to me and handed me a picture and said,
"Here honey this is for you."
"What is it?" I asked.
"Look at it," she replied.
I flipped the picture over. It was of a cute guy with short
reddish, brown hair and green eyes "Wow, is that him?" I asked.
"Yep," my mom said. "Cute isn't he?"
"Yeah," I replied still looking at the picture. "How did you get
this mom?" I asked.
"His dad gave it to me to give to you, he said he knew Sam
would like you to have it." mom replied.
"Really?" I asked. "Well that was nice of him."
Mom had finished making dinner while we were talking and
had it on the table, she looked at me and said, "Dinner is ready
I went and sat at the table beside my mom and laid the picture
on the table beside me and we both ate.
After we ate I asked, "Mom, may I be excused?"
"Of course dear," she replied.
I got up from the table, taking the picture with me. "I'm going to
go work on my homework." I said. "Jessy may come over to study
"All right honey," mom replied. "I will let you know when she is
So I went up stairs to my room. I laid down on my bed, looking
at the picture and thinking to myself. He did get kind of cute, I told
myself. After a few minutes, I sat up and slammed the picture on the
table beside my bed.
"I don't care how cute he is, he left and broke my heart, and I
won't forget that!" I shouted to myself.
As I sat there, still fuming, my mom walked in and said, "Are
you all right dear?"
I turned around to face her and replied, "Yeah mom, I'm fine."
"All right," she said, quickly moving to another subject. "I'm
going to the store do you need anything?"
"Yeah," I replied. "Would you get me some shampoo and some
"Sure honey." she said as she left the room and went back down
As I got my books out of my bag and laid them on my bed, I
heard the doorbell ring. Mom yelled up the stairs and said, "Chloe,
Jessy is here!"
"All right mom," I replied. "Can you send her up?
A few seconds later Jessy walked into my room and sat in the
chair beside my bed. She looked at me all excited and said, "Guess
"What?" I replied, looking at her curiously.
"I got asked to the dance!" she said.
"Really?" I replied, getting excited now. "By who?"
"Tom Jenkins." she answered.
I looked at her kind of funny then said "Who?"
She laughed, then replied, "You know, Mandy's brother."
"Oh, didn't he already graduate." I said.
"Yeah." she said still laughing slightly. "He was home when we
got to Mandy's house and he asked me. Said he would love to take
"That's cool." I said. She laughed again and said, "Yeah it's
pretty cool, so do you have a date yet?"
"No" I replied. "I plan to go alone." Then I looked down at my
books and said, "That is if I even go."
Jessy looked at me kind of shocked, then said, "What do you
mean? I thought you were going, what happened?"
"Nothing," I replied as I opened my book up to start my
homework. "I just don't know if I want to go or not that's all."
Jessy had a funny look on her face then she noticed the picture
of Sam that was laying on the table and asked, "Who's that??"
I grabbed the picture up and said "It's no one."
She came over and sat on the bed beside me then said, "Come
on Chloe, tell me who it is, Please?"
I looked at the picture, then handed it to her, and said, "You
remember the guy I was telling you about?"
"Yeah," she replied.
"Well, that's him." I said as I pointed to the picture.
As she looked at it she said, "He is really cute."
"Yeah, I know." I replied.
She looked up at me, and handing the picture back.
"So, how did you get this picture?" she asked.
I took the picture then replied, "My mom showed his dad a
house on the next street, and he gave it to her."
"Oh," she said. "So he is moving back?"
"Yeah," I replied looking at the picture again.
"When is he moving?" she asked.
"Next week." I said.
She looked at me and said, "Well, the dance is next week too."
My eyes started to water as I was still looking at the picture, "I
know." I replied.
She looked at me and said, "Why are you crying? He might
want to go."
"That's why." I replied as I wiped the tears from my eyes.
"So is that why you decided that you don't know if you're going
to go now or not?" she asked.
"Yes," I replied as I laid the picture on the table. "I mean, what if
he doesn't recognize me or like me anymore? He probably doesn't
even remember me."
She gave me a big hug and said "There, there, I'm sure he will
I sat there hugging her and still crying, then said, "I don't know
what to do, I mean I still like him, but he hurt me."
She pulled me away from her and said, "Moving away wasn't his
fault you know, he had to go with his parents right?"
"Yeah," I replied as I wiped more tears from my eyes, "But he
promised to call and write but he never did."
She started laughing then said, "Oh Chloe, guys are like that
they say they will call but they never do."
I looked at her slightly laughing, then said, "Yeah I know, but
Sam was different, he never broke a promise to me until then."
"Well maybe this is your chance to ask him why he never called,
and maybe get back with him or something." she said
"Yeah maybe." I said.
"Just think about it." she said. "I got to get going, but I will see
you tomorrow all right?"
"All right." I replied. "See you tomorrow"
"Meet me at the mall, we can go shopping for a dress
tomorrow." She said.
"I will be there." I replied.
Jessy left and I laid on the bed staring at the ceiling, thinking.
Maybe Jessy is right, maybe this is my chance to make things
different. As I laid there thinking, I heard my mom come home.
She brought me up my shampoo and chips, then told me good
night. I got ready for bed then went to sleep.
|Posted by Ashlea Burns on September 15, 2011 at 7:05 PM||comments (0)|
Chapter 2: Past & Present
The next morning, I got up and got ready to go meet Jessy at the
mall to look for a dress for the dance. I met Jessy at the front of the
mall and we went inside. There are a lot of shops in our mall, but
Jessy knew exactly which shop she wanted to go to, so I just
followed her up to the second level to a big shop called Formal
It was a large shop with a bunch of fancy dresses in the window, and
we spent most of the day there, trying on different dresses. As we
were trying one on, Jessy asked me, "So did you think about what I
said last night?"
"Yeah" I replied as I was putting the dress back on the hanger.
"And?" she said, sounding a little anxious.
"And what?" I replied as we walked out of the dressing room to
look at more dresses.
"So are you going to the dance then?" she asked.
"I'm looking for a dress aren't I?" I replied as I looked on a rack
for another dress.
"Yeah," she said. "I guess you are."
I looked at the rack of dresses and said with a slight laugh, "Well
there you go then."
She then started to laugh too. Well after we finally picked out a
dress we headed home, since we still had several days before the
dance we decided to go get shoes and accessories another day.
When I got home I took my dress to my room and laid it across
the chair. I heard the door bell ring and went to answer it. I opened
the door and my mom was standing there with her arms full of
"Here mom," I said as I took some of the bags from her.
"Thanks, honey," she said, walking through the door.
We took the bags of groceries to the kitchen and placed them on
the counter. As we were putting the groceries away the phone rang.
"I'll get it, Mom." I said.
"All right, honey." she replied, still putting food away.
I walked in the living room and picked the phone up. I put it to
my ear and said, "Hello?"
Then I heard a voice say, "Chloe?"
"Yes," I replied. "Who is this?"
"This is Sam." the voice replied.
I was struck speechless, then the voice said, "Hello? You
"Yeah." I replied. "I'm here, just can't believe it's you."
"Yeah, I know." he said. "It's been awhile, how have you been?"
"Good," I replied. "And yourself?"
"Good." he said.
It was quiet for a few seconds, then he said, "So, are you going
to the dance this coming week?"
I didn't say anything at first then said "Yeah, I'm going."
"Cool," he said. "Maybe I will see you there, not sure if I'm
gonna get to go yet or not."
I was still a little shocked but then said, "Yeah, maybe so."
"Hope you can go."
"Talk to you later, can't wait to see you again." he said.
"Bye" I said, then hung the phone up.
I sat down on the couch still a little stunned, and my mom
walked in and said "Who was it honey?"
"It was Sam." I replied.
"Really?" she said. "What did he want?"
I looked up at her and said, "He wanted to know if I was going
to the dance, said he might see me there."
"Well, that's nice." my mom said, sitting down beside me. "So
are you looking forward to seeing him?"
"Yeah, but" I started then I hesitated.
"But what"? my mom asked.
"But," I said, "he probably won't recognize me, I mean it's been
five years and I have changed a good bit, what if he doesn't like me
"Oh, honey," she said as she put her arm around my shoulder,
"He will know you, trust me."
"But how do you know?" I asked, a little confused.
"Because sweetheart," she said, "I gave his dad a picture of you
to give to Sam."
"Really?" I said getting a little excited.
"Of course, honey," she said.
"Oh, thank you, mom." I said as I gave her a big hug.
"You're welcome," she said smiling at me.
I got up and went to my room. I was laying on my bed thinking
to myself, 'maybe this will work out after all'. I laid there thinking
until I fell asleep.
The next morning when I got up I had to get ready for school, it \
was Monday, and the dance was this Friday, so I had some work to
do before then.I still had to find some shoes to go with my dress, and
some hair clips. Mandy, Jessy and I were gonna go after school
tomorrow to get them, so I got ready and headed to school. I was
putting my books in my locker when Jessy and Mandy walked up to
"Hi." Jessy said.
I shut my locker door and said "Hey, what's up?" to them both.
We started walking to class when Jessy asked, "So what did you
do after you went home last night?"
"I helped my mom put some groceries away." I replied.
"Oh," Jessy replied. "That's it?"
She acted as if she knew I talked to Sam. I looked at the floor as
we were walking and said, "I also talked to Sam."
Jessy and Mandy looked at each other in shock then Jessy said,
"Really? What did he say?"
Before I could answer, Mandy asked, "Who is Sam?"
Jessy looked at her and said, "Remember that guy she was
telling us about, that left five years ago?"
"Yeah," Mandy said.
"That's Sam." Jessy told her.
"Oh, I see." Mandy replied.
"Yeah," I said as we got to class.
We sat down beside each other, still talking, because class hadn't
"So what did he want?" Jessy asked.
"He wanted to know if I was going to the dance." I replied. "He
said he might see me there."
"Really?" Mandy asked. "So he is moving back here?"
"Yeah," I replied. "He said if he wasn't to busy he would come
to the dance."
Jessy looked at me and said, "You still worried he won't
"Yeah," Mandy said, "It has been 5 years."
"Yeah, I know." I said as I got my books out. "But my mom gave
his dad a picture of me to give him."
"Really?" Jessy asked.
"Yeah," I replied.
"Well, that's cool," Mandy said.
"Yeah, it's pretty cool." I replied, as class began.
I sat there most of the day thinking about what I would say to
Sam when I seen him, and before I knew it, class was over and it was
time to go home.
The next day went by pretty fast too, and Jessy, Mandy and I
went to the mall to finish shopping for the dance.
The next two days seemed to fly by, and then it was Friday. We
didn't have school today because the dance was tonight and they had
to decorate, so I slept in a little then got up and had lunch with mom.
We were sitting at the table and she asked me if I needed a ride to the
"No, Mandy's brother is gonna take Jessy, Mandy and I." I
"That's nice of him." she said.
"Well Tom is Jessy's date." I said with a slight chuckle.
"Oh," she said.
I finished eating and went back to my room. I got all my stuff
ready for the dance. I laid out my dress and shoes, and while I was
trying to decide what to do with my hair, time went by pretty fast. I
took a shower and fixed my hair, I had decided to pull it up and put
the butterfly clips I bought the other day in it. I then put on a little
makeup and went in to get my dress on, it was a lavender dress that
had thin straps, it came just past my knees, and I got a pair of black
strappy shoes to go with it. As I was looking in the mirror, my mom
"You look beautiful honey." she said
"Thanks mom." I replied, giving her a big smile.
She came over and gave me a hug, then said, "I'm glad you
decided to go tonight."
"Me, too." I said.
"So are you and aunt Marie going out tonight?" I asked as I was
putting my shoes on.
"No," she replied, "Your aunt Marie is going to come over here,
and we are going to have a girls night and watch a movie or
"Sounds fun," I said, then I heard a car horn and said, "There's
my ride, I better go."
"All right honey, have a good time," she said. I gave her a kiss
on the cheek and went down the stairs and out the door.
I went outside and got into the back seat of Tom's car with
Mandy. Jessy was in the front with Tom.
"Hey, Chloe," Mandy said as I got in.
"Hey, Mandy," I replied.
I shut the door then said "Hey Jessy, Hey Tom."
They both said "Hi", then Jessy said "So, are you excited?"
"Yeah," I replied, "I am a little,"
"Yeah, I would be too if I was you." Mandy said.
Tom just kind of looked at us funny then said, "So what's going
"Chloe is meeting a boy she knows at the dance." Jessy told him
"Is that all? What's the big deal about that?" Tom asked.
"Well," said Mandy, "she knew him until they were 12 then he
moved away, and he just moved back this week."
"Oh," Tom said, "That's cool."
"Yeah it is," Mandy said, then there was silence.
"So Mandy," I said, "Who is your date?"
"His name is Eric," Mandy replied, "He is in our class, I'm
meeting him at the dance."
"That's cool." I said, then it was quiet the rest of the way to the
When we got there we all went inside. The gym was all decked
out in decorations and it was really crowded.
"I'm gonna go find my date," Mandy said, then walked out into
the crowd of people.
As we were standing there, Tom asked Jessy, "Do you wanna
"Sure." she replied. She looked at me and asked, "Do you mind
if we go too?"
"Not at all," I said. "Go ahead."
Then they went to the dance floor. I just found a table and sat
down. I was sitting there thinking about when I was twelve and the
day Sam left, and how it made me feel. We had been so close it was
a sudden change when they decided to move away, he told me one
day and then was gone two days later.
As I was thinking, Mandy walked up with her date and said,
"Chloe, this is Eric."
"Hey, Eric." I replied
"Hey, there." he said.
"Well, we are gonna go dance." Mandy said, then they went out
and joined Jessy and Tom on the dance floor.
I sat there, continuing to think and remembering things from my
past, then I said to myself, "I shouldn't have come, I should just leave
As I went to get up, I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard a voice
say, "Would you care to dance?"
I turned around and was shocked, because standing before me
was Sam. I couldn't move, and I didn't know what to say. I just stood
there staring at him, then he said, "Are you all right?"
I shook my head yes, I still couldn't speak. He just kind of
looked at me.
"Yes, I would love to dance." I finally said.
And so we walked out onto the dance floor. As we were
dancing, I could hear Jessy whispering to Mandy and saying, "That's
him, that's Sam."
I was staring at Sam as we danced. "I'm glad you came." I said.
Sam looked right in my eyes and said, "So am I." He smiled as I
put my arms around his neck as we slow danced.
After a few dances, Sam asked me if I would like to go outside
for a walk. I just looked at him and said, "I would love to."
We headed out of the gym and walked to the football field. Once
we got there we sat on the bleachers, staring up at the stars. "It's so
beautiful out here." I said, as I was looking at the stars.
I felt Sam's hand brush against my face as he said, "Just like
I felt myself blush. I thought to myself "I can't believe how
strong my feeling still are for him, it's almost like he never left."
As I was still looking up, I then felt Sam's hand grab mine, the
feeling made me flinch a little but it felt really nice.
We sat there for a long time just staring up at the stars, then he
asked me, "May I drive you home?"
I turned to look at him then said, "Yes, I need to let Jessy know
"All right." he replied, then we walked back down to the dance.
After we got back I went and found Jessy, I introduced her and
Tom to Sam, then asked her, "Do you mind if Sam drives me
She smiled at me then said, "No, not at all."
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Yeah," she replied, "it's fine, Eric is driving Mandy home
anyway too, so this way we can all spend some time with our dates."
Then she smiled and gave me a hug and said, "You two have fun
and I will talk to you later." "All right." I said, hugging her back.
Sam and I walked away.
"Just let me know when you wanna leave." he said as we were
walking through the gym.
I smiled at him and said, "Why don't we go for a ride then you
can take me home?"
He smiled back and said, "All right, that would be great."
We walked out and got into Sam's car. As we started down the
road, Sam asked me, "So where would you like to go?"
I sat there looking out the window then replied, "Why don't we
go to the park so we can talk?" "All right." he said with a smile.
We drove on down the road. When we got to the park we got out
and walked over to the swings, we both sat down on a swing and
started swinging, and after a few seconds Sam said, "The park hasn't
changed much in five years."
"No." I replied looking at the ground.
It was silent for a few minutes, then I said, "I'm really glad you
came back, I missed you."
Sam looked at me and smiled. As I looked at him, he grabbed
my hand and said, "I missed you too."
We sat there swinging for awhile as it got later, and colder, then
I got up and told Sam I was ready to leave.
We walked back to his car, he held the door open and I got in,
then he shut my door and got into the car and drove me home.
We were sitting outside my house and I said, "Well I had a great
"Me, too." he replied.
"Well, I better get inside." I said as I opened the door, and as I
was getting out.
"Hey Chloe?" Sam said
"Yes?" I replied, as I looked back at him.
He looked at me and asked, "Can I see you tomorrow?"
I smiled and said, "Of course you can."
He smiled at me and said, "See you tomorrow about 11 then."
"All right." I replied as I got out of the car and went in my
I went straight up to my room and got ready for bed. I laid in bed
thinking about what had happened tonight, wondering if he still felt
the same way about me. I thought he must, he held my hand and
smiled alot. I laid there thinking, then finally fell asleep.
The next morning I got up and started getting ready. I was
sorting through my clothes trying to decide what to wear, it was a
warm day already and it was only ten, so I decided to wear some
shorts and a tank top. As I was finishing getting ready I heard the
doorbell ring. I knew it was Sam so I just let Mom answer it. I put
my shoes on then went downstairs, and Sam and Mom were sitting at
the table when I came downstairs.
"Hi Sam," I said as I walked into the kitchen.
Sam looked at me smiling and said, "Good Morning."
"So what are you two going to do today?" mom asked
"I'm not sure." I replied, then looked at Sam and asked, "What
are we going to do?"
"What would you like to do?" Sam replied.
I sat there and thought for a second then said, "Why don't we go
to the lake?"
"That sounds like fun." Sam replied.
"That would be nice, have a good day." mom said
"We will." I said as I got up.
I gave my mom a kiss on the cheek and said, "Bye mom, be back
"All right, dear." she replied.
Sam and I then headed out the door and to his car. We got into
his car and headed to the lake. As we were riding, Sam asked me
what I had been doing the past few years and I replied, "Not too
much. School, hanging with my friends, that's about it."
"That's cool." he said as he drove down the road.
"How about you?" I asked.
Sam didn't say anything at first, then replied, "Not a lot, I went
to a private school for three years before we had to move again then I
was home-schooled for awhile."
"Really?" I asked. "That's kind of cool."
"Yeah," he said, not sounding very thrilled with what he had
After about twenty minutes we arrived at the lake. We got out
and walked out towards the lake, there were some benches all around
the lake and there were also picnic tables, so we walked to one of the
benches and sat down looking at the lake.
"It's so beautiful." I said after a few minutes.
"Yes, it is." replied Sam.
We sat there for awhile, just looking out onto the lake, we
watched the ducks and the fish swimming,
"Can I ask you something?" I asked
He looked at me and replied, "Sure, what?"
I looked down at my hands and said, "Why did you leave
Sam looked down at the ground and said, "I didn't have a choice,
I didn't want to leave."
I looked at him and asked, "What happened?"
He got up and said, "Let's go for a walk."
I just looked at him weird, then got up and followed him.
As we were walking he said, "My dad got transferred. I told him
it wasn't fair, but he said we had to go anyway, that he didn't have a
"Oh," I said, looking at the ground as we walked along the lake.
"Yeah," he started again, "I didn't know it at the time, but my
dad worked for the FBI." "Really?" I asked.
"Yeah." he replied. "I was always told that he worked for the
government but was never told specifically as what."
It was quiet for a few minutes and I thought to myself as we
walked, "he didn't want to leave, he must have really liked me, since
he wanted to stay."
Sam stopped at the edge of the lake and was looking across the
water. I stood beside him as he started again, "I kept telling Dad that
moving was a mistake, that I was happy where I was." Then he
looked at me and said, "I told him I was happy with you."
I smiled at him, slightly blushing, he then looked back across the
lake, and was quiet again. "So," I said, "You really didn't want to
"No, I didn't." he replied.
We sat down on the bench a few feet away. After a few minutes
I looked at him and said, "So how come you never called?"
Sam looked at the ground then replied, "Because I couldn't."
I just looked at him kind of funny.
"My dad said I couldn't have any contact with anyone we used to
know, that if I did you wouldn't be safe." he said.
I looked down at the ground, trying to comprehend what he was
Sam turned towards me and grabbed my hands, he looked right
at me then said, "I never wanted to hurt you. It about tore me apart
knowing that I was leaving you. I know we were young but I knew
then that I loved you."
I looked into his eyes and I knew he was telling the truth.
"So why did everything fall apart?" I asked.
He turned and looked back at the ground and said, "Apparently,
there was someone after my dad, he told me about six months ago
that we were safe again. I'm still not sure what all happened, all I
know is we had no choice but to leave and now it's safe to be back."
He turned back towards me and said, "I turned into a completely
different person after I had to leave you. The private school I was in
was a boarding school and I got expelled five times in one year, so
my dad had to home school me. I just couldn't be happy without
I looked at him and smiled.
"Why are you smiling? he asked.
"Because," I replied, "I did the same thing, I was the total
opposite of myself after you left." "Really?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said. "It's crazy what effect a person can have on you
when they are gone."
"Yeah it is," he said as he held my hand again.
We stayed at the lake until the sun set, we talked about the past
and about the present, we walked along the water, skipped stones,
then we got back in his car and headed back to my house.